Recycled Bullsh-IT

This week’s article is brought to you by the letter P. This would usually mean me launching into my usual people and process rant, but today I would like to look at politics. No, don’t click off! This is politics with a small p, so no jokes like: Don’t vote – it only encourages them. Except for that one.

 Little ‘p’ politics is about how everyday life is fraught with juggling family, friends and colleagues, particularly in these dislocated times. Keeping everyone sweet is challenging and it is tempting to reduce the tension by telling people what they want to hear. Or not arguing to make your life easier. This is fine with your close friends & family, but there are dangers when applying this to work.

 We have all come across the ambitious colleague (I use the term loosely), invariably described as ‘ambitious’ in company, or a ‘conniving b’stard’ out of their earshot. Their every conversation and action is calculated to advance their position and status in the organisation, preferably at your and everyone else’s expense.  You will feel the overwhelming urge to shout at your laptop: “You lying ****!” when they tell such large flying porkies that Pink Floyd sue them for copyright.

 For many people there are two main courses of action. The first is to get your own back by playing the game. If you are good at politics, you will eventually turn into the person you used to despise – see 7 Profoundly Irritating Habits of Superficially Successful People. If you are not, then you will be humiliated, like Roy & Moss from The IT Crowd. The other course (known as the ostrich manoeuvre) is to haughtily ignore all this noise and just get on with your job. But, unless your colleague implodes and gets fired for the equivalent of buggering the bursar, you will probably end up working for them with all the joy that will bring.

 However, like all good politics, there is a third way, which I call anti-politics. The main principle of anti-politics is to speak the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  But, I hear you cry, I am an honest person; I don’t fib (much).  However, it is a poor strategy to say nothing when you know something to be at least a distortion that will negatively impact you, your organization, or worst of all, a customer.

 Anti-politics is about confronting half-truths, insinuations, unfair credit/blame, and other misinformation used by the parseltongues. This has timing and completeness implications to make it work properly. You need to speak your mind (as long as you are in control of it) at the right time to the right people. For the uninitiated this can be a terrifying prospect. Confrontation can seem daunting, but if you are clear in what you have to say, your statement is undeniable, and you hold your nerve, you will be pleasantly surprised at how your so-called colleague will invariably back down. The timeliness element means that you have to do this as soon as you discover the misinformation. The completeness is to ensure that anyone who has been infected by the lie is told, preferably directly. Be aware you need to be in possession of enough facts and evidence to make this stick – or be an excellent poker player.

Once you get over the embarrassment of fingering a colleague or making a public statement (might be easier to try out over Zoom first – with the mike turned off) you will find that life changes for you. The bullying colleague will leave you out of their scheming because they now know you can hurt them (or in fact allow them to hurt themselves). Your stress levels will miraculously decrease as you find that you are now in better control of the chaos happening around you.  Also, the nasty smell that was lingering around them will go – so this doubles as an antiperspirant.

 However, people will initially treat you as a bit odd as this is not typical accepted behaviour for an office worker. But your cow-orkers will, on the whole, be envious of you. You will start to be included in meaningful conversations with people seeking your by now honest opinion. Fewer poison arrows will come your way and you will be treated with respect. Doesn’t that sound a better life?

John “The Truth is Out There” Moe